I got home and I feel perturbed. It`s, I believe, even more and more as the time passes. Right now many thoughts, or rather mental tendencies, which, although they do not seem to have any force or inertia behind them, move more aggressively than the explosion of a star.
One of the things I noticed in rugby, in certain rugby players more precisely, is the focus on this moment, the concentration of the effort in getting the best out of the given situation and, in parallel, whatever the situation, to enjoy and be grateful. I don`t know if I’ve found this in other domains. Either there is no such stoic mindset (yet) in other domains or it is because I am quite introvert and ignorant of the world. Then it`s weird why there would be such a mindset in rugby. In fact, just the other day I saw a pattern: amateurs focus on the goal, professionals focus on the process.
The point is, that by sharing this lifestyle a little bit, I’m getting more and more marked with it. It seems to me that being in this kind of “flow” is a way to get rid of noise and pollution and also to gain most out of the moment.
For example, this weekend there was another Super 5 matchday in Târgu Mureș. Beyond the enthusiasm that the trip itself creates, I found that I had to join the team and somehow celebrate another year in the history of the club. I was not interested in the policy, organization or results of the competition but in the event itself and in the process moments are created and aligned in our group.
I only want to present our evolution in competition in a nutshell: I think it was decent given the training and the hours of sleep.
I somehow remember the moments that I will share briefly.
I remember F.’s words guiding us to stay always those 10-year-olds. Not being a player, I allowed myself to visit Târgu Mureș briefly and at one point, covered by the sun on my face and semi-blinded by autumn, I thought it was a good time to be alive. On the field, I was amused by the uniqueness and sincerity of a pile that always demanded a peak only among Harlequins. I don`t know what stopped his thirst right before D. Destroyer’s turn. I liked (thanks R.) the discussions in the bus, on the way back, about certain aspects from the area of some ideologies that seemed to impel me to try – or to escape, or to evolve – from some dualisms in something deeper.
Maybe it’s “negative” what I’m sharing now, it may convey that I’m running somehow, but in the end I think the world will burn anyway and I am no longer convinced of the need to at least discuss the need to leave the world a better place. It seems to me that we are working OCD-istically with many shades / classifications on the surface of a lake that has extraordinary energies in depth.
I wonder if that vomit in the drawer has a more attractive charm than the surface of the lake.